Well, its Friday again. Another week has come to a close. As I look back on this week I am filled with a sense of disappointment. Disappointment that I didn't achieve what I set out to do on Sunday. But then again, maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe they were never achievable in the first place. This is something that I am going to think about over the weekend. In many ways I feel like a failure because all the goals that I set for myself and my family seem to be crumbling.
My Weight Watchers is just not going in the right direction. I am going round and round in circles! I stopped tracking my food and consequently the weight has gone up and I am disillusioned. Instead of 'fighting back' I am eating to comfort myself "sigh".
The homeschool plan that I set up for this term isn't working out as I would have liked. Gosh, that is hard to admit. It isn't that the program isn't good, it is excellent! but I just can't cope with the workload. It only requires about two hours of my time per day which doesn't sound like much, but in this house 2 hours is a luxury that I just don't have. Because I am so frantically trying to fit everything in I haven't been to the gym all week. That is very upsetting because the gym and exercise has been the saving grace for me (mentally and physically) this year. I just can't afford to let it go.
My toddler is teething and all he seems to want right now is his 'booby'. To be honest with you I am tired of breastfeeding. I have been breastfeeding on and off for 24 years! Then at the same time I know that Joel is my last baby and I will be sad when these days have passed. On top of all my workload I am carrying a 20month old around on my hip for most of the day..........another 'sigh'.
I know how to 'perk' myself up these days. That was part of the reason for writing the list in my previous post. But this is a time when I really need to reflect on the priorities in my life and get some order back in to my day. Something in my head is telling me to stop and if I do nothing but read a book with my kids each day then I am achieving enough. The other side of my brain is telling me that I am a useless mother, a terrible teacher and my kids would be better back in school.............'big sigh'.
I hope you guys have had a better week than me! I'll pick myself up and be on track again next week but right now I just need a good nights sleep :-)
My Weight Watchers is just not going in the right direction. I am going round and round in circles! I stopped tracking my food and consequently the weight has gone up and I am disillusioned. Instead of 'fighting back' I am eating to comfort myself "sigh".
The homeschool plan that I set up for this term isn't working out as I would have liked. Gosh, that is hard to admit. It isn't that the program isn't good, it is excellent! but I just can't cope with the workload. It only requires about two hours of my time per day which doesn't sound like much, but in this house 2 hours is a luxury that I just don't have. Because I am so frantically trying to fit everything in I haven't been to the gym all week. That is very upsetting because the gym and exercise has been the saving grace for me (mentally and physically) this year. I just can't afford to let it go.
My toddler is teething and all he seems to want right now is his 'booby'. To be honest with you I am tired of breastfeeding. I have been breastfeeding on and off for 24 years! Then at the same time I know that Joel is my last baby and I will be sad when these days have passed. On top of all my workload I am carrying a 20month old around on my hip for most of the day..........another 'sigh'.
I know how to 'perk' myself up these days. That was part of the reason for writing the list in my previous post. But this is a time when I really need to reflect on the priorities in my life and get some order back in to my day. Something in my head is telling me to stop and if I do nothing but read a book with my kids each day then I am achieving enough. The other side of my brain is telling me that I am a useless mother, a terrible teacher and my kids would be better back in school.............'big sigh'.
I hope you guys have had a better week than me! I'll pick myself up and be on track again next week but right now I just need a good nights sleep :-)
October 30, 2009 at 3:19 PM
AH Jenna.
First up - BIG HUG! You're not alone! We all battle the feeling of failure at times. Sometimes i think we home schooling mums are especially hard on ourselves, probably because we demand so much of ourselves.
Life can feel HARD at times hey. You know some of my story, this year has been a tough one for me personally. I have felt inadequate and a failure too. In truth of course I am those things. We all are. That's why we have God i guess!
So i'm hoping some of this helps as we females so often just need to 'vent' and share and be told we're loved.
For me at the moment with my hubby away so much I find i need my sleep - lots of it! Vitamin B can be helpful too in just keeping me steady. And (dare i suggest it?) you could stop breastfeeding. I mean - what an awesome job you've done to b.f all 9 children. Come on Jenna. You are amazing! Step back and see yourself how others do. Relax, breathe. Smile.
As for curriculum...it can be GREAT..it can also be a huge pressure to keep up with the program. So don't. Just use it at your own pace, and hey with the end of the year coming you could just do the basics and enjoy getting ready for the Christmas season. Read alouds are great. Journals. Art. Sewing.
Well i have no idea where this has come from as i'm not usually one to give advice! But it comes to you full of love , and respect. Hope you find some peace this week end.
xx
October 30, 2009 at 3:42 PM
oh Jenna please don't beat yourself up about your week. Everyone has times where they feel they aren't getting anywhere, and even one thing like a teething toddler is enough to throw anyone's week out of whack. From what I understand you are getting your life back on track after struggling with depression, is that right? If so then it sounds to me like you are actually doing an amazing job, and maybe you just need to be a little kinder to yourself!!! Hugs ((())))
October 30, 2009 at 4:00 PM
I've had a very busy but fairly good week... but believe me, I've had heaps of weeks just like yours. Look to the Lord. Man makes his plans but God directs his paths. (I will post a link on this tonight)
I think you are right about"even if you just read a book". Sometimes we need to prioritize and your family come first. What is the profit to have all the academic ducks in a row if Mum is a basketcase and the children learn nothing of character, perseverence, grace and love. Give yourself a break and cut that school plan right back :-) Maybe you can't get to the gym but what about putting the little fellow in the pram and taking the kids to the park/ pool/ a long walk. You get exercise, they get some activity and you can always find learning experiences out there!
Do hope your weekend is good. I will commit you to the Lord and pray you have a better week! {{hugs}}
October 30, 2009 at 4:48 PM
Oh Jenna, feeling for you!! We all have weeks like this where things just seem to get on top of us! Praying for refreshing and peace for you ..
Luv Donna
October 31, 2009 at 6:11 PM
I was just over at another blog where another mum was saying she's been having a tough time feeling discouraged, disallusioned etc. I wonder if it's just the end of the year thing. Home schooling mums work so.....hard and you have quite a few kids too which is even more difficult! Don't be so hard on yourself. I think your children having you is more important than ticking off lists...so says I who only has one, so take it with a grain of salt:)
November 1, 2009 at 2:20 PM
Oh my, Jenna...sweet friend,
I know you know how to perk yourself up, but make sure you just aren't band-aiding yourself. Rather go to the Healer and allow His words of peace, joy, grace and rest to wash over you daily.
Speak words of wisdom and grace into your life each day. Read scriptures out loud each day and meditate on them. Scripture doesn't tell you that you are a lousy wife/mother so stop focusing on those things. don't even allow your mind to entertain such thoughts! Put them away immediately! Instead, go back to focusing on God and His goodness, His mercy and His love. Fill your mind with Truth. This is even more important if you can't get to the gym, because we know how important physical exercise is for us- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
Loveya
November 1, 2009 at 3:39 PM
oh wow, I feel so blessed! I woke up this morning to all these lovely comments. Sometimes I feel so alone but this makes me realize that I am not. Thank you for taking the time to share with me and encourage.