I can't believe that the holidays are almost over. I don't feel like I have had much of a break. I certainly don't feel like I am ready to begin another year of homeschooling. Part of this is probably due to my concerns with Ben and his future. School for him was a nightmare last year and I really haven't got the foggiest idea as to where to start this year. On top of that I have an 'official' pre schooler and grade one student this year. That always means more labor intensive work on my behalf and I just don't know where I am going to find the energy on top of everything else.
From what I have read with Aspergers, they generally need a very structured style of learning. I guess that is where I have gone wrong with Ben! I was trying to apease him and use a very unstructured style. All that happened was he ended up resisting any form of learning and ended up back in the games room on his favourite thing in the whole world...........NINTENDO......'sigh'. I don't know, maybe my son will end up making the games he seems to enjoy so much!
I'm terrified about entering the world of 'proffesionals' who may try and determine the course of my son's life with their 'expert' views. Then again, I had the same thoughts when I was diagnosed with depression and entered a similar world myself! And the reality was that they didn't want to tell me how to live, they wanted me to work out things after chewing over all the possibilities! so maybe it won't be as bad as I am imagining.
Sometimes, to be very truthful with you all, I wonder if homeschooling is the very best route for me in life right now. It is my twelth year of homeschooling and it has become more of a habit than a passion. I look at my graduated children and am proud that I have achieved something positive but when I think of the years ahead and the workload that is upon me I shiver.........
I have so many personal goals and dreams. I would love to learn professional massage, maybe even reflexology. I'd love to volunteer a day a week working in one of the charity op shops that I so love! but not at the sake of my children and their needs. It is just that I have needs too and most of these have been buried for so long due to my convictions about motherhood.
I know without doubt that God put homeschooling on my heart in the first place and I have always said that when or if it was time to stop that he would gently lead me in a new direction and I would have peace. Well, I don't have any peace right now so I am assuming that nothing has changed!
I usually start the year off with enthusiasm so this is very hard for me. I just hope something kicks in during the next week.
From what I have read with Aspergers, they generally need a very structured style of learning. I guess that is where I have gone wrong with Ben! I was trying to apease him and use a very unstructured style. All that happened was he ended up resisting any form of learning and ended up back in the games room on his favourite thing in the whole world...........NINTENDO......'sigh'. I don't know, maybe my son will end up making the games he seems to enjoy so much!
I'm terrified about entering the world of 'proffesionals' who may try and determine the course of my son's life with their 'expert' views. Then again, I had the same thoughts when I was diagnosed with depression and entered a similar world myself! And the reality was that they didn't want to tell me how to live, they wanted me to work out things after chewing over all the possibilities! so maybe it won't be as bad as I am imagining.
Sometimes, to be very truthful with you all, I wonder if homeschooling is the very best route for me in life right now. It is my twelth year of homeschooling and it has become more of a habit than a passion. I look at my graduated children and am proud that I have achieved something positive but when I think of the years ahead and the workload that is upon me I shiver.........
I have so many personal goals and dreams. I would love to learn professional massage, maybe even reflexology. I'd love to volunteer a day a week working in one of the charity op shops that I so love! but not at the sake of my children and their needs. It is just that I have needs too and most of these have been buried for so long due to my convictions about motherhood.
I know without doubt that God put homeschooling on my heart in the first place and I have always said that when or if it was time to stop that he would gently lead me in a new direction and I would have peace. Well, I don't have any peace right now so I am assuming that nothing has changed!
I usually start the year off with enthusiasm so this is very hard for me. I just hope something kicks in during the next week.
January 28, 2010 at 12:05 AM
Hey Jenna,
Wow. It sounds like you are dealing with some huge issues at the moment. I'm thinking of you , and hoping the doctor was helpful today. I understand a little of where you are at with wanting to pursue some of your own interests. I have no idea how to do it, but I know it would be a healthy habit to develop! In fact, it's one of my goals for this year - to find some things to do that are just about 'me'. I think our kids need to see that we have needs and interests too :) Be encouraged! You've done a great job so far, and I'm sure you'll find your way through all of this. Life with a big family can be so overwhelming at times and if you're like me you can lose yourself in it all. I hope you can find some things you can pursue and still juggle all the other needs of your family. If you work it out, let me know how OK!!;) Love to you and keep smiling! Mel xx
January 31, 2010 at 11:53 PM
Thanks Mel!
Glad to know that I am not alone in being 'selfish' in wanting something more for "me". At least there is one other out there who thinks similar thoughts on the odd occasion!
February 1, 2010 at 12:48 PM
Jenna it sounds like you need some time alone with God to determine if home schooling is indeed a habit or something He is asking you to do. With so many kids under your wing you need His passion and His strength for this task or you will just be worn out!!
As for Ben, it is quite normal for aspergers kids to wanna play a video game all day and ignore everyting else, the trick to getting them to do something they don't want to (like school for instance) is to make it worth their while. In our house there is no TV, DVD , computer or wii until he has earnt it, either by school work (done properly) or earning 5 tickets for good behaviour. He whinges about it but he knows that's the rule so he does what he needs to do to get his precious screen time.
Also they do need structure to a point, but you also need to be flexible cause if they've really had enough of something and you push to keep going because of a schedule it will end in a meltdown!! Look for the signs that attention is waning and redirect to something else that is realaxing for him, whether that be drawing, playing outside or whatever, otherwise you'll just be banging your head against a brick wall.
Hope that's helpful :-)