A Modern Day Essene

I haven't spoken about this subject for a long time. It has been two years since my 'nervous breakdown' a term that is not medically correct but simply refers to the 'sudden onset of severe depression'. Four weeks after the birth of our ninth child I hit rock bottom.
These are some of the things that I learned during this time and things that I believe really helped me to get back on track. I just wanted to re-address these things today because 'someone' out there might find it helpful.

1) Depression is NOT CIRCUMSTANTIAL! i.e, it does not need a CIRCUMSTANCE to spark it off! It may contribute to the level of depression felt by a sufferer but it is not dependent on circumstances.


 2) Depression is SYSTEMATIC! ie, it doesn't depend on a circumstance, "it lies within the system ". That is why when well meaning people suggest that someone with depression "Take a holiday" or "Go for a long walk" are almost useless to the sufferer! Because depression is systematic it follows you on holiday, follows you when you go for a walk, follows you wherever you go! A depletion of brain chemicals produces the system for which depression thrives.


3) The brain has a number of messengers called 'happy messengers' Technically these neurotransmitters are known as 'biogenic amines' they don't just keep us happy, they energize us and help us to cope with pain and remain tranquil. Some of these 'happy messengers' include Seratonin , dopamine and a group of tranquilizers that are found in abundance in te brain.

4) Other messengers are called "sad messengers" These neurotransmitters carry bleak and sombre messages. They tell the brain to be downheartened, cautious and dispirited. An excess of sad messengers makes us depressed, anxious, sleepless and fatigued. These are the messengers that dominate when we feel overwhelmed by life's demands. Examples of sad messengers are cortisol and a group of enzymes that rob us of happy messeners.

So.........what helps and what can I do to get better?

Affection.......hugs, backrubs, massage etc etc signals the brain to release oxytocin, a hormone that boosts feelings of affection and is a buffer against stress.

Laughter.............Lowers the levels of the damaging stress hormone, cortisol. Laughter reverses the constriction of blood vessels, helps protect brain cells and helps us get rid of the fatty stomach that excess cortisol can give us during times of stress.

Counselling .initially I was scared about receiving counseling but it was very beneficial and helped me put my thoughts in to perspective.

Medication   Some times you can get better without the need for medication. For me this wasn't the case, I was too bad! Medication merely stabilizes you and allows you the balance to seek more natural help.

Food that heal........Grapefruit, oranges and whey protein contain a stress busting ingredient and will help you to stay calm and tension free

Whey    contains alpha lactalbulmim that boost the body's level of tryptophan, a buidling block of the feel good hormone, Seratonin by as much as 43%
Seratonin  is a brain chemical that reduces hunger and boosts our sense of well being. When serontonin is low you can become increasingly dissatisfied with life and food! making it hard to stick to a diet. When seratonin levels are high we do NOT crave sweets! (I personally take 3 scoops of whey protein powder a day mixed up in a fruit smoothie.........I have done this for two years now and swear by it)

Foods that are considered sources of Tryptophan (a natural sedative) include Dairy products, Beef, Turkey, Poultry, Fish, Brown Rice, Barley, Soybeans and nuts,


and last but not least CHRISTIAN MEDITATION..........the art of spending quiet, contemplative time meditating on God's word.
This to me has to be the most BENEFICIAL thing that helped me on the road (long long road) to recovering.......

Our ladies group at church have just begun a new course called "Nurture" based on the book written by Lisa Bevere. Lisa Bevere is someone that I admire a lot. I read her book "Out of control and loving it" a few years ago and was astounded by her honesty. When our pastor told us about this course I felt so excited. It is all about directing women to walk in the gifting that God has given them "Nurture". We have only done one lesson so far but is was just beautiful. I know that I had a tear or two in my eyes! This is something that I have felt for such a long long time. For years I have sought out older women to 'nurture' me and for a long time I thought I was 'weird' in wanting this. I now realize that I am not alone! But it is my job to nurture just as it is to be nurtured.
I highly recommend anyone doing this course if it comes along. The book is very inspiring and Lisa is a great author.

Sorry guys for neglecting my blog for so long! I really have been busy. It has taken me ages to get in to the swing of the new school year. I honestly can't say that I am even there yet but slowly, day by day, things seem to be taking shape.
I ordered my Switched On Schoolhouse from Christian books in the U.S. The postage was by far the cheapest. I really can't wait for it to arrive as I feel it will take a lot of pressure from me. My 14 year old son is doing the 'basics'. He is using Fred for maths and really enjoys it. I love the price so that is good~ For English he is using a Queens Homeschool English book which is o.k. For Science he continues with the John Tiner Paradigm curriculum which I hope to update to Biology later on this year.
Our 16 year old is teaching our two beginning schoolers, 5 and 6 year olds using "100 Easy Lessons" and Five In A Row. It is going really well, short and sweet but to the point!
We have found a wonderful course for her doing cert four in fitness combining massage. It is held at a corporate gym in the city centre and has a very good reputation. We just need to save some money! so that will probably take place around about August (God willing)
Our ten year old is on the long road to 'assesment' relating to Aspergers diagnosis. I have to wait till July to see a pediatrician! I feel so much better having come to terms with his situation. He is different but  that is not necessarily a bad thing! I was just told a story by a close friend as related by Lisa Bevere at the Influences Conference. She described her son as 'learning differently' to others. I wonder if she means 'autistic' I don't know but he sounds a lot like Ben! Anyway, they refused to put him down and continually lifted him up as 'just learning differently to other people'.........the end of the story was that he was offered a job by Microsoft in the U.S. Apparently they are one of the hardest jobs to come by and people that get in are considered very lucky indeed. So that has been a lesson to me, I need to seek God for words of encouragement for all my children, focus on the positive and not the negative. God has a plan for each of their lives doesn't he!
My latest 'diet' is back to an oldie........The Atkins! It actually started off when a lady at church was seen to be devouring a tin of tuna at the evening home group meeting coffee time. I congratulated her on ignoring the cakes and she told me she was on a new eating plan called "Body Trim". I was curious so looked it up the next day. Sounded great, the wording on the site made me want to click "BUY NOW" very quickly but I didn't have $140 to spend so instead I googled for information and found out enough to tell me that it was basically a low carb diet with one day off a week. The only low carb diet book I had on my shelf was Atkins and although he ended  up dying of heart disease I decided to give it another go!!! LOL  I am actually two weeks in to it now and am feeling great. I am eating lots and lots of fish. I actually enjoy going shopping each day for fresh fish. My favourite so far is a New Zealand fish called "Lingine" or something like that!!!! It has no bones which is great. Last week I bought some cod and nearly choked to death on all the bones........awful. I am finding that I am not hungry at all during the day and if worse comes to worse I have a pantry full of tins of tuna that I snack on! I am being so good.........I can't believe it. The scales haven't budged but I feel heaps better within myself.
I still love my dolls and am off with the fairies most of the time in my own little world of dollies!! LOL I received on today who just cracks me up. She is called "The Fat Fairy" and she has a figure just like me!!! I can't stop laughing when I pick her up. I'll try to get pics (and bore you all to death)
Above is Zach in the background, poor shy Chloe in the burgundy dress and my voluptuous "Fat Fairy" who I have named Mia.
Just a last thing. I must let you all see this wonderful blog full of homemade dolls houses. They are just amazing. Some people are so talented. http://bearcabinminiatures.blogspot.com/

Slowly over the course of the week I have had clearer vision in regard to homeschooling. The Lord has laid upon my heart a curriculum that we used a LONG time ago with our second eldest daughter, Jessica, who is now 22 years old, married and working. She was a terror at homeschooling! she really would have preferred to remain in school, mainly for the social network. The only thing that she enjoyed at home was going on the computer so like a clever mother I decided that if you can't beat them you should join them! so I ordered her a couple of subjects on Switched On Schoolhouse. It was fantastic! she got to play computer a bit longer in the day and I got the satisfaction of knowing at least two subjects per day were completed! LOL
Once she graduated and started work I carried on with whatever I happened to be using at the time (and believe me, I have used a few different things over the years!) but this week I have had Switched On Schoolhouse on my mind once again..........

From memory a few of the subjects were too difficult (In my opinion) like Language Arts and Math. I seem to remember Jess using Science, History and Bible. I think that using all five core subjects would be too much and a sure recipe for glasses or contact lenses down the track.
Unfortunatly they don't seem to sell the curriculum in Australia any more so I had to scoot around and do some googling online. Ebay has a lot of sellers but the postage is quite expensive. The cheapest option is Christian Books in the U.S but shipping is slow, usually about six weeks.
In the end for Ben I ordered; History/Geography and Health. And for Mike I ordered History of the Vietnam war, History of the Civil war (both American in content but great for a history loving kid) British Literature Study and Bible.
Looks like we will be on 'holiday' for a bit longer, or at least till some of these arrive. I am in no rush and I know the kids are not either..........

Well, looks like I scared some of you off with my last, very negative post!!! So I'll be nice and sweet today so that I don't scare you all off again.
I have officially decided to have another week of holidays. I am the owner of this 'school' so basically I can do whatever I like..........well, within reason. So there you go, I have made a decision! Yesterday I was quite mad, quite unlike my usual self, why? you may ask! well, Because it was discovered on a few occasions throughout the day that I was sitting down reading Homeschooling books and seeking a plan for the new year. Steve actually had to take my temperature because he was concerned that I was ill or something, being a strange thing for me to do
. I had to restrain the finger from pressing BUY NOW schooling items on more than one occasion. Until sanity returns and I really know what I am doing I shall stick to the items that I already own!
I am, at this stage, wondering what career will suit my fourteen year old son whose interest lie solely on playing Xbox "Call Of Duty" oh yes, and watching soccer on t.v, especially when his favourite team, Manchester United, are playing. His only other passion is food, mainly eating it but ocassionally cooking with it. Although I have horrible dreams about him taking on an appreticeship with someone like Gordon Ramsay as his teacher. I only have to ask him to take a shower and he cries like a baby so I hate to think what Gordon would do to this timid??? child.
And what about my 16 year old daughter who is unofficially doing year 12 this year? Centrelink have kindly notified me that if she does not complete an 'official year 12 course' then the money that they pay me for having her at home will abrubtly end!! Well, she is great on Facebook and excells at the art of sending super quick SMS messages on her mobile phone. She also takes great care of herself and can spend up to three hours getting ready to go out and that is just to the letterbox............but best of all, like most teenagers, she knows absolutely EVERYTHING and there is nothing that I or her father can tell her because she already knows. What an assett!
I myself have applied for a job, yes! it is true. After 25 years out of the workforce I applied for a position doing nightfill at Woolworths. I applied online and when it came to the part where I had to attach my resume I ignored it and moved on to the next question. My daughter (Who thinks she knows everything because she works in Human Resources) told me that nobody would look at an application if there was no resume attached. I told her that I informed Woolworths that I could work all hours of the night and surely needed no qualifications to put cans of baked beans on a shelf? Steve is scratching his head in confusion wondering how on earth his wife is going to stay awake in the day to homeschool the kids after working from 12-5 a.m in the morning! but even if I don't get the job (and I really don't think I want it!!) It was good to feel like I had actually made an attempt at applying for something after such a long break from the workplace.........
And to top off this super exciting post I must tell you all that my adoringly beautiful little boy, Joel, turned two yesterday! I can't believe it was two years ago that he entered our world. We wouldn't be without him for anything......he is our little sunshine.